In preschool when I was 5, the boys bathroom had to get a ceiling repair so everyone had to use the girls bathroom and when I was in there some kid named Jimmy walked in.
And that was the first time I saw a penis
(via bumblingboot)
Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are ya?
(Source: the-pkmn-center, via bumblingboot)
I am laughing so hard right now.
Oh, God, I can’t stop laughing! XD
The best (cruellest) wake up pranks, all in one video.
Remember kids, you should always be the hero character in the video game that is your life!
And probably not the shopkeeper NPC, like me.
(via bumblingboot)
Putting this here because it’s the best ok
Decided to browse Tumblr today to lift my mood.
Tumblr did not disappoint.
Thank you, Tumblr.
Anonymous asked: whats your opinion on weed
(Source: willfosho, via wildelectrictype)
This is clearly not the Cave of Excalibur.
Which means that I have been removed.
FOOLS!
One cannot simply take me from my cave without first proving that they are worthy!
For I am EXCALIBUR, the HOLY SWORD OF LEGEND.
My legend began in the twelfth century!
*STRIKES A POSE!* “Oh, isn’t he magnificent?”
And the cad who stole me from my cave did not even hear my glorious legend.
However, if the person steps forward now, I shall forgive their heinous theft! And I will possibly knock the list of 1,000 tasks down to a mere 900 tasks! But only because I am Excalibur, and I am merciful.
Now step forward, cad, and admit your wrongdoing!
…
(Source: pusheen, via bumblingboot)
And now we have come full circle.
Reblogging because it got better.
(Source: bootox, via princess-peasant)
8 Year old girl from Dublin tries to get her school demolished… Just listen.
“Which school in Dublin?” … “The one that’s about to fall down”.
You adorable little evil creature <3
they give me extra homework on a friday and everything.
Reblogging again because MORIARTY’S DAUGHTER.
I LOVE THIS ADORABLE EVIL SPAWN OF MORIARTY’S.
ADORABLE!!!! Also, I love her accent.
“Is this a demolition company or a joke factory?”
OH MY GOD I’M LAUGHING SO HARD I’M ABOUT TO PISS MYSELF.
THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD.
Can’t stop laughing.
Oh, God. I haven’t heard this in a long time. This little girl is hilarious. As I recall, she did a couple of these for a radio show in Dublin. Not everyone found it as funny as the demolition company did. “Fill yer boots, mahn!”
This IS the spawn of Jim Moriarty….
This is two parts adorable to each part hilarious. Or is it the other way around? I don’t know, but I can’t stop laughing either way! :D
(Source: justaskinnyboy.com, via princess-peasant)
Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
My second time reblogging this and its still fucking hilarious
I didn’t know death by laughing until I saw this post
I actually couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.
Haven’t seen this is AGES. Get back on my blog.
I am literally crying irght now oh my god
BRB, gonna LMAO now.
(via princess-peasant)
Ha-ha, very punny.
(Source: pleatedjeans, via princess-peasant)
